Round Rooms

Once i followed a man to an island.
He found us a round room to live in
surrounded by potatoes, rasberries and greens,
twin blonde horse beauties on a diet,
and a long steep dirt drive.

In the beginning it was wet.
Awefully wet for summer. And cool.
And the stove, meant to keep us warm, filled the round room with smoke and paraffin fumes when we used it.

One day I burned a fire until all the paraffin was off the stove.
I sat outside and played guitar
imagining the purification of that round room.

My lungs slowly started feeling better.

We dug up a patch of grass and planted stuff.
Built a fence with sticks to keep the dogs and deer out.
It didn't work too well.
The deer laughed at it.
The dogs didn't even see it.

We pooped in a bucket that sat under a bench and toilet seat.
My favorite part was the ceremonial spreading of cedar sawdust over the poo.
That was neat.
My least favorite part was the dumping of the bucket when it got full into the compost heap.
That was scary.

Pete did it most of the time. He's sweet.

My days consisted of guitar, walks, swimming, dog play and meeting the folks that lived on Tap Root Farm past the garden. Lu Lu, Sarah, Andrea, Thomas, Jen and Anne, Makala, Nathan.

Then I got cabin fever.

It took a month of nothing I "had" to do before it came on.

It was weird because there I was in a beautiful place with a beautiful man and gradually I went from feeling beautiful and free to feeling quite ugly.
Angry. Obsessive. Understimulated. Frustrated. Suffocated. Those are other things I felt at times.

So I got myself some work.
Three jobs actually.
I cleaned some houses
and washed some dishes
and waited some tables.

It helped. I like people.

We learned some guitar and banjo duets. That was cool.

I did learn that I can't be someone's everything.
It starts to get hard to breathe.
I start to feel the walls moving in.
I know the feeling well.

Vescica Pisces.
The vessel of the fish.
The place where two separates intermingle,
a symbol representing sacred marriage.

Ahhh, yes, the marriage, rather than the merging of opposites.

The struggle to not lose one's self, but retain individuality.
Retain personal power and gifts.

Ahhh, the reward for finding balance in this way.

Beauty, creativity, and grace
flow from this union because
of these differences.

Round rooms are nice and circles can bring strong lessons.
Its remembering those lessons that can be the callenge.

V'im lo ach-shav ay matay
(If not now, when.)

At-One-Ment

Crap. I missed Yom Kippor. The one day of the year when I fully embrace my jewish roots with fasting and reflectiion for 24 hours.

Usually, I head to a forest with a river or lake and I spend the day walking, writing, listening and being intentional about what I want my next year to hold.

Yom Kippor, or the Day of Atonement is my favorite Jewish holiday. I find it incredibly helpful to take a day to myself in order to reflect on my past year and thoughtfully create the next one. There's no food in my gut to weigh me down.

Anyway, food is not what you are supposed to think about on this day (hard as it may be when your belly growls and mind gets spacey).

Moments by the water are most powerful for me. This usually comes later in the day, after I have pin-pointed the things in my life I would like to change...or what aspects of my self are no longer helping me and my chosen path.

Water is incredibly cleansing and transformative so I ask to the river to take them away. River stones work beautifully for holding and asking for transference of old emotions or patterns that no longer suite me.

Spending the day in Synagouge never suited me. My temple is the forest, the river, the trees, the sky. That is where I connect to G-d. That is where I feel most fully grounded and most fully my self. In my temple, I can not pretend. It is impossible. I have tried, believe me. Looking back on times when I tried to convince myself that everything was fine, when it wasn't; that we loved each other and it would work out, when it couldn't; that the path I was on was right for me, when it wasn't. When I am in my temple, the truth always wins.

The one and only thing I miss about the traditional day spent in synagouge is the sound of the shofar. It is a truely soul shaking sound, and it is repeated numerous times throughout the service.

This brings me to WHY I missed Yom KIppor. My father came into town for the weekend. That needed to be prioritized.

Luckily this practice is something that can be done on a different day, but Tommy in town is less flexible.

If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
But if I am for myself alone, what am I?
And, really, if not now, when?

Here is to At-One-Ment.

Ayer y Hoy

A Beautiful day yesterday in Grado at the beach...truly stone-cold chillin'.

Not the most beautiful beach I've ever been to (that was hands down north of San Juan del Sur on the Pacific coast of Nicaragua at an ecotourist lodge...cliffs, sand and colorful rocks; water you could look at and be in for hours) but a much needed day in the sand and sun.

The beach was followed by getting lost in the car on our way back to a brown risotto with clams, stir-fried eggplant and peppers, ensalada and two kinds of cheese that are local Friulini cheeses.





All of this with the fabulous Ilivio that we have bought three bottles of as it is not available in the states. Ilivio turned into sipping different types of Amaro (bitters) and another Felluga that sounds like its named after a Rabbi, Rosenplatz. A bottle of a beautiful lambrusco was then topped with an 11 year old burghandy that Matteo offered out so we could taste some aged wine.


Ay-yuy-yuy. I slept hard last night.



Today we go the mountains for the night. We've only been seeing them from a distance. More on that to come. More on everything to come.


The morning was spent strolling through Udine visiting the market, and stopping at 12:30pm for an apperitif of wine and bread/cheese/meat (hell if I don't go home 5 pounds heavier). This is what made me smile. Every table had wine on it. Matteo said they'll have some wine and then head home for lunch. What a social, sassy and styley place this was!!! Next came the gelato.Wow.

Mi Coneto con il mio Leone

Matteo, my Leo friend. Its fun to see him again and be in his world of little Italy. I say little because I havn't seen anything big yet. Small towns, small vineyards (people's yards, really), short hours for any business, small and fabulous and warm colored.

These pics are from a strolling adventure me and Lace took today. Our plan was to bike, but after too much time trying to fill a tire and move a seat lower for my little legs, we just walked. Threw some beautiful, moldy cheese, olives, cherry tomatoes and carrots in a container, grabbed a bottle of Susso...a red made by Livio Felluga (where Matteo works), and a glass jar from the recycling box to drink it with. Alas, we were on our way out into Italy.

Strolling on small streets with expansive views of fields of corn, wine grapes and cute houses with clay tile roofs we looked, chatted and smiled. Yee haw. Hello Italy.
Ciao. Took a turn up what looked like a park or trail system. Couldn't really read the sign, but it had the feel of an interpretive sign you'd see at the entrance to a park, so we headed up. At least there wasn't a no tresspassing sign which I've come to recognize.

Corn, love, goats, and ideas sprinkled into the corn as we walked by like dust that lifts as we walk. Every step we take, every day of our lives moves some dust into the air that was previously stagnant. We are energetic beings and as we move dust and settled molecules, it sets other things in motion. Movement begins.

And never ends. Every time we move: follow a whim, move a few extra steps to smell a flower or touch a stone we create change however small you see it. It moves and keeps moving.

Every choice, every deep breath, every arms-lifted stretch of your spine creates change. Even thought is movement. "If thoughts can do that to water, imagine what they do to us". Masaru Emoto's studies of human thought on water molecules is outstanding. Check it out here if you haven't heard.

On our way back we stopped at a "bar". They didn't have much but Lace wanted an espresso. So I joined her (this travel is all about indulgance). I also got some wafer with chocolate-hazelnut filler that was delightfully dipped in the holy-strong-and-bitter-espresso, or as Matteo told us later, its just known as a cafe around here.

Moments filled with cameras, food, drink and relaxing today. What will tomorrow bring. I am going to drive in Italy. Scary. These folks drive like new Yorkers but crazier. We're going to visit Matteo's vineyard tomorrow and tag along while he does a tour and tasting with some foreigners.

Me, Yo, Self, I, Reflection

I kind of like the self-portrait challenge I've seen on some friends' blogs. I'm not entirely sure what its all about but...I like it. Maybe its the leo in me. I like me. I like to see me and I like to think about me and what I have done and what I will do and what I can do to make me a better me. It sounds selfish...maybe. Maybe. Its art though and its moments caught that noone can know but me.

There are stories behind the photo: the photographer, the background sounds, smells, and feelings. I like looking and remembering, tasting, smelling and feeling the moments. Was I happy? Healthy? Busy? Relaxed? Sad? ? In love? Out of sorts? In my body? I Like the idea of posting a picture and writing about some aspect of that picture. I like challenges. I like being asked to think and go inside and share. The vulnerability is scary, but what the hey...



Orcas Island August 2005:

With every slam into the earth a bit of my anger was absorbed by her. What the heck was I so angry about? Mad at Pete, or so I thought. Slam! He's so.... Slam! Why does he... Slam! I hate when he... Slam! What was it? Was I being sensitive? Over analytical? Stubborn? Can't remember exactly. I was mad and hurt by something he hadn't a clue he did.

I loved cutting into that grass, imagining the rocks that would sit in the hole I was digging. They would be very hot rocks...carried from a big, erratic flame by a piece of metal and dropped into the pit I was creating.

They would burn the soil when placed there.

There would be a smell that would only be familiar in ancestral parts of the brain and the rocks would sit there red and sizzling and waiting.

That was me. Red, hot, angry...waiting for something. Then the moment would come when a group of people would surround the rocks, naked, with intention. Intention for cleansing, healing, challenge, pain, renewal, newness...a feeling of comfort with the naked bodies and spirits around them. Monumental. Unforgettable. Life changing. Perspective offering. Sweat.
Somehow the act of creating the sweat--structure and vessel--gave me the perspective I needed to stop being angry. To put the tool down and walk over to the man I love and say, from the depths of my heart, "hey...lets talk, I am feeling hurt".
The conversation did happen, on a huge trampoline. But thats another story.

A Gardenlicious Dinner for Four

Can you see the love that went into these beauties? It is an incredibly rewarding feeling to put hours and hours of time, sweat, thought, care, money, and soul into creating a garden and eventually taste the fruit of your labor. Charlie and Emily were going to come over after a visit to Hurricane Ridge on a beautiful August day.
With this in mind I, excitedly grabbed Finny and entered my crazy overgrown garden of gratitude. First, I entered the forest of the tomatoes. The Sungolds have been feeding us sweet goodness for a while now, but the heirlooms are just beginning to ripen. I nervously harvest our very first one! Wasn't sure how to tell when they are completely ripe. Ah, but isn't it a beauty!
When I wandered over to the two fading potato plants, I made a big decision: we needed potatoes to go with dinner and its time to dig in to the earth and see what these odd plants have done. And then I wondered about the many ways I could prepare them. In my creative state, picturing, tasting, imagining how they would taste best, my eyes caught the basil glistening in the sun...PESTO!!! I had just made some the night before...perfect. This particular kind of harvest was a new experience for me. I carefully loosened up the soil with a hoe, hoping that I wouldn't damage the starchy, purple, swollen root balls. The absolute best part was diving in, hands first into the sea of soil and curiously swimming through it wondering what I would find. I really didn't know. There could have been a couple of golf ball sized taters or bigger. With no expectections I swam, I sifted, I moved the earth, seeking its kind creations. And a proud mama I was indeed! And the meal was perrrrrrrrfect!

Sunflowers in the Midst of a Sun Starved Summer

This summer has been challenging. The challenge exists in a number of forms.

One is that I worked hard. And by hard I don't mean I worked my muscles and bones and sweat hard. Working hard, in this case, meant running around making sure everything was in order and stayed in order so that families and kids were happy with the programming we were providing. I coordinated the hell out of summer programs. I rocked those summer programs and now I feel worked. Working hard meant playing less though. Weekends were far and few between and when they came, they seemed to leave again far too soon. And now we are here in August, almost the end, and finally, finally things are slowing down.

A second challenge was the weather this summer. We are having an unusually cool, wet summer here in the Northwest. I know it's not true for all Northwesterners, but many of us NEED the warm, dry days of summer to finally get the cool damp out of our bones and help us feel alive and healthy. The balance of the seasons here is part of what I love about it. Cool, damp, green winters give way to warm, dry and still-green-with-speckles-of-a-zillion-flower-colors summers. What will I do if the warm days dont come and bathe us throughout September?


I will go to Italy and France.

I bought myself a huge birthday present with some birthday gift money, and other money I simply don't have, but will have to manifest for this special gift to ME. Warm Italy calls my name in such a big way I can hardly stand the wait...ten days from today I fly out to Paris. Hope to grab Lacey and head south to Italy to see Matteo and hop around Italy. Time will tell how that adventure unfolds.

I live for a thousand reasons but most vividly, these days: my garden and Mr. Finno (and P,J&T of course). That's Huckberry Finn, the sweet super feline who Jedi has fallen in love with and Tallis is still deciding how she feels about. Here is a glimpse of the sweetness that melts my heart when this kitten and dog play.



The heirloom tomatoes in our garden are beginning to show some red and purple hues to their skin. A sign of the deliciousness that will come. Shit, I hope I am not away for their ripening. The sungolds are so wild they are knocking over my homemade support network. Little green moons everywhere that sleep in a green bed by night and turn into bursts of orange and yellow when the sun peeks its pretty face.

A real deal compost palace. Pete wants to name it Cedargrove...I told him someone already claimed that name, but he didn't care. Thing is, its literally in a cedar grove. The picture is Pete's desire that it look like the old logging pics where the people look serious about their tools and their work. The only thing I am serious about is composting a shit-ton so we can feed our garden with it next season.

Okay I am also serious about other things like wanting to begin work on our house and having a baby in the next few years and living abroad and eating healthy food and living somewhere I can afford and being less stubborn in disagreements with my sweetie and believing and trusting and accepting and loving and being wild and being silly and being creative. I am serious. If I am serious and I will it and I trust it and believe it, anything can be.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

We'd like to introduce the newest addition to our lovely home, Mister Huckleberry Finn. He is 12 weeks old and a purring machine. Finn entered my world at the PAWS adoption center here on Bainbridge Island. I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for a trap to get the last feral kitten out of Islandwood and into a safe home. I was talking to the woman about how to get the little rascal that kept getting away from us and oh, wait, who is THAT cute muffin-head? That was it. Pretty much sealed the deal. Pete didn't require any convincing. His response was: okay, I'll meet you at PAWS at 5pm tomorrow to meet the little bugger. In fact its quite hard to type as he is on my left shoulder purring in my ear.

He's here for many reasons. One, I love cats and haven't had one since I left home at 18. Two, my body and spirit wants babies, but we aren't ready yet. Finn will be our baby for a while. Pete wants another male in the house. Cats are fun. I guess that about sums it up.

What else is a happenin? Pete got a new job in the big city. Sounds amazing. We'll see. The garden is fully fabulous. We munch from it alot and can't wait for the tomatoes. Big and fun plans arising for the house. Summer programs are nuts at IslandWood and I have working my booty off. We set a date for our wedding August 30th 2008. It's gonna rock. Pez.

Enjoying the Fruit of Our Labor

Okay world, he is back. Final project is done and Pete is now officially a graduate of a Masters in Urban Planning program. He is slowly realizing and integrating his freedom. Why, just yesterday I watched him dancing naked in the backyard with a rooster mask on howling at the moon.

Well, maybe not, but the change is dramatic for both of us and we are enjoying life in our peaceful home.

Here is the BIG BIG news though. We just harvested our first tastes from our garden. There I was building this trellis for the sweet peas and low and behold I spy 3 peas. Only one was ripe for the chowing so...Ohhhhhhhhhh....peas.........Yum!! Oh yeah! Wow, and strawberries. Two were perfect for tasting. They are amazing. Just little younguns and producing sweet berries.Pete is really in bliss right now. Enjoying all his senses. Enjoying being outside away from his dreadful computer. Tasting our baby arugula.






Again. Wow. All of it tastes amazing. I am so very excited to enjoy the nibbles and meals this lovely garden will bring. Just planted some onions, so we'll see how those come up.
Finally my very own little piece of land to grow food on. Next year, chickens for sure.

The Man I Love and His Upcoming Release From Prison

What is this guy doing??? Taking a crap? Peering at something in the water? Pooping his pants? What does all this have to do with prison?

Well, this is Pete. The man I love. The man I will marry and raise children with. He is a total....goofball. This is a picture of why I love Pete. He makes me giggle. He lightens my moods. He sees birds feeding on the shore and runs over to imitate them (too bad I didn't get the bird in the shot). He is a ray of sunshine. Purely good intentions lead him through his days and his interactions. I am a blessed woman...a damn lucky woman. And even more wonderful is that by the end of this week he will be back in my loving arms and free from prison.

Okay, okay, so he hasn't actually been in prison, behind bars etc. An though he has been in my loving arms, he hasn't beenable to truly be there. He has had a heavy, pending project looming over his shoulders for over a year now. He has been waking before 6 a.m. to work at his computer for a few hours before gulping down breakfast and throwing on a nice shirt to get to work by 8:30a.m. Then comes his lunch hour. A quick drive to the library gives him one hour of quiet work time, only to rush back to work, no lunch in belly, no break having been had, and jump back in to reviewing permit applications and meeting with desperate parties. When 5:30 p.m. rolls around he is wiped. Some days he can manage to get some more work done before bed, but most days he comes home barely able to talk let alone do any of the many things that nuture his spirit (banjo, juggling, dog play).

So, this has gone on at varying degrees of intensity for months and months. The project, his final project for his Master's degree in Urban Planning, has been hovering for over a year. This is the prison that he is about to be free from. Tomorrow he meets with his advisor and hopefully gets a signature. Then he takes the 300 page document to be bound. And then, he will get back on the ferry towards Bainbridge Island. He will most likely have a beer and watch the water as the giant vessel glides over it feeling the wind on his face. He will feel a weight lifted and see the prison bars in front of him dissolve into the air. The walls also become thinner and thinner the closer he gets to the island. The salty air filling his lungs will soothe his tired soul. He will arrive to Bainbridge and drive home. He will lay on the floor and get attacked with kisses from our dogs. I will nourish him with a yummy meal and some after dinner loving. And then he will sleep. In his sleep his body will begin to understand that he can truly relax again; that he doesn't have to think about this project anymore. The added stress of his job dissolves as well. No thoughts, only rest.

And I will kiss his sweet face while he sleeps. He has been amazing through all of this. He is truly a warrior. A brave, strong, courageous, warrior. If it were me in his shoes, sitting inside all weekend, every weekend for months, while the sun shone bright and warm outside and my lover built a garden, it would have left me a depressed blob. He's an angel and I am incredibly proud of him. His work ethics and resilience are outstanding. Go Pete. Glad we won't have to have anymore conjugal visits. I await the real and whole man back in my arms.

The Women who Raised me

I was raised by two Leos and a Scorpio. They are beautiful women who have taught me who I am and who I am not. I love the picture below. It shows a bit of how much I am loved by that crew. Leta, Beth and Irma surround me with a striking amount of respect and pride.

Spring Break 2007 Girlz and Boyz Gone to the Family

That's me and the women that raised me: Aunt Leta, Mom and Nana

A week of fun in the sun with my family left me seriously sad to come home. My grandparents had their 60th wedding anniversary this year and brought all of us together to celebrate with them.


Aunt Leta, Nana and Papa, Me, Lihn and Asia after Charlie's BD dinner



Other really awesome stuff that happened while we were there:

1. Jay and Nez became engaged!!!!!



2. Charlie turned 30 over a delicious dinner and evening with friends and family we saw old friends like Jeff and Tara Ziecheck and Charles Corbin!!



3. Pete met much of my extended family.




It was a blast. We all stood in front of my grandparents and told them what we have learned from them that has made an important impact in our lives. From the bottom of my heart I said:

One big thing that has come to me as I've been pondering what to say to them is how they have been
such involved grandparents in our lives. So many of my friends don't understand what that is like. Their grandparents are people they had to put their nice clothes on for and visit on weekends or a weekend per month. But Nana and Papa have always been there and always involved. Though I'm sure they wouldn't have minded if we put our nice clothes on for them and brushed or cut our hair for them. (It might have spared us some comments.) Sometimes their level of involvement
was to my dismay when I got in trouble and had to hear it from too many adults. Other times I felt the luckiest because I received praise and support and kisses from so many. The lesson for so many of us has been the importance of being close with each other. That has trickled down from Nana and Papa. Perhaps had they been more distant, our mom's would have been more distant and we, as kids, wouldn't have been together so much. Our lives would have been very different in many ways. I feel very lucky and blessed to have grandparents who always have been and are still very aware of most things that are going on in my life. They care. They inquire. They express their opinions....their concerns....their pride. This has been very meaningful to me and taught me the value in a strong family community.

The whole ceremony was awesome. My youngest brother couldn't make it because of bad weather in Dallas. My older brother stood to my left sobbing quietly. It was soooooo sweet. Everybody spoke from their heart to N&P in front of all their friends and our extended family. It was a fun party followed by a brunch the next day and a huge passover sedar the day after that.
Good times.



Tara and her sweetie Brett--T-dog's my lady from high school. We were joined at the hip for years.




Shannon & Shannon--Other good friends from high school. along with Mel Tiz we lived together in our first grown-up home rental.